The Best Funny Jokes

1% battery left and you run like a ninja to get your charger.
September 18, 2019
Did you know that 97% of the world is stupid?
Luckily I’m in the other 5%.
September 18, 2019
Why are Irish bankers so successful?
Because their capital’s always Dublin.
September 18, 2019
I didn't fall. The floor just needed a hug.
September 17, 2019
That moment when the radio host talks over a good song.
September 17, 2019
What’s the difference between a tyre and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Goodyear, the other’s a great year.
September 16, 2019
My ex left me because, according to her, I’ll never amount to anything. 15 years later, I have one thing to say to her.
Lucky guess.
September 16, 2019
A man tried to sell me a coffin today...
I said: “That’s the last thing I need.”
September 16, 2019
If you sit on a toilet seat, you are connecting your butthole to a city network of buttholes.
And that’s a huge ass connection.
September 16, 2019
Q: What does a fish use to get high?
A: Seaweed.
September 16, 2019
Do you know what elves rely on during political campaigns?
Propagandalf.
September 15, 2019
My wife saw me sneezing in the bathroom and said it's gross.
I says it’Snot!
September 15, 2019
What do you call a zombie’s boner?
A reserection.
September 15, 2019
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory?
Hamnesia.
September 15, 2019
What rhymes with Orange...
No it doesn’t.
September 15, 2019
What's the difference between a cross country run and Gordon Ramsey?
One is a pant in the country.......
September 15, 2019
Don't fall in love.
September 15, 2019
What did the goats cheese say when it saw itself in the mirror?
Haloomi.
September 15, 2019
Whenever you read the articles about the celebrities, they always exaggerate their lives, try to make them seem so amazing. 'He worked three years as a dishwasher before he hit it big.' Hey, I worked three years as a dishwasher before I became a busboy.
September 15, 2019
What do you call James Bond in a jacuzzi?
Bubble-0 Seven.
September 14, 2019
I just saw my wife walk by with her sexiest underwear on, which can only mean one thing.
It’s laundry day.
September 14, 2019
Love is like a shadow, when you chase it, it runs away. When you turn back and walk away, it follows you.
September 14, 2019
The Tina Turner concert in Texas got cancelled. You know why? Hurricane Ike.
September 14, 2019
Imagine if elephants could jump.
September 14, 2019
We live in the world where a cat's Instagram profile has millions of fans.
September 14, 2019
I think my friend is having an affair with my wife.
He seems miserable lately.
September 14, 2019
Why doesn't any man need more than one rooster?
A cock a dude’ll do.
September 14, 2019
If Snoop Dogg dies before pot becomes legal in the US, he will be rolling in his grave.
September 14, 2019
The weirdest summer job I have ever had was cleaning the monkey cages at our local zoo.
That shit was bananas.
September 14, 2019
Yeah, I have an MBA -- and that stands for Master of Booty Action.
September 13, 2019


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