The Best Funny Jokes

I just found out Canada isn’t real.
Turns out it was all mapleleaf.
July 22, 2019
A guy tried to sell me a mirror, but I knew it was a scam.
I could see right through it.
July 22, 2019
That awkward moment when you realize people are laughing at you, not with you.
July 22, 2019
What did 2 tell 3 when he saw 6 acting like an idiot?
Don’t worry about him, he’s just a product of our times.
July 21, 2019
The only thing my friends like doing with me is eating.
I call them my taste buds.
July 21, 2019
I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job...
But when I got home all the signs were there.
July 21, 2019
What happened to the guy who had a fetish for population statistics?
He finally came to his census.
July 21, 2019
Today a large truck full of hair restoring tonic, overturned and flooded the street.
Police are combing the area.
July 21, 2019
Why did 7 eat 9?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.
July 21, 2019
Dear sleep,
I'm sorry we broke up this morning.
I want you back.
July 21, 2019
Hardest thing to answer:
Describe yourself.
July 20, 2019
A relationship with no trust is like having a phone with no service, you just play games.
July 20, 2019
Offering someone food, and secretly hoping, they don't want it.
July 19, 2019
Keep the dream alive!
Hit the snooze button!
July 19, 2019
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
July 18, 2019
My friend gave birth in the car on the way to the hospital.
Her husband named the kid Carson.
July 18, 2019
To the person who stole my glasses.

I will find you, I have contacts!
July 18, 2019
Why are you awake so early?
Who said I went to sleep!?
July 18, 2019
Dear everyone.
Upset, bored, angry or hungry.
I'm here for you.
Sincerely, fridge.
July 18, 2019
Wife: I'm pregnant.
Dad: Hi pregnant, I’m dad.
Wife: No, you’re not.
July 17, 2019
The world champion tounge twister got arrested the other day.
I heard they’re going to give him a tough sentence.
July 17, 2019
Money does not buy happiness, but it's better to cry in a sport car than on a bicycle.
July 16, 2019
+1
That embarrassing moment when you realize, that person wasn't waving at you.
July 16, 2019
My therapist told me that I have trouble interpreting social cues.
I think she’s in love with me.
July 15, 2019
A cop left a nice note on my windshield to let me know I'd parked my car correctly...
It said Parking Fine.
July 15, 2019
A policeman stops a car...
Policeman: “Whose car is this, where are you taking it and what do you do for a living?”
Miner: “Mine.”
July 15, 2019
I went out last night, and I got back at the hotel at 7:30 this morning. I went up to the desk to leave a wake-up call for 7:00. The lady goes, 'Mr. White, it's past 7:00.' 'No, the next one. You got another one coming around, don't you? Why don't you just put me on that one? I hear they're running two a day through New York City.'
July 15, 2019
I don't need a stable relationship.
I need a stable internet connection.
July 15, 2019
+1
I need a 6 month holiday.
Twice a year.
July 14, 2019
There's always that one song, that can pick you up, when you are down.
July 14, 2019


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