The Best Funny Jokes

I went to the store to pick up 8 cans of sprite.
But when I got home I realised I’d only picked 7up.
May 20, 2019
I just saw my wife walk by with her sexiest underwear on, which can only mean on thing...
It’s laundry day.
May 20, 2019
I went to the store to pick up 8 cans of sprite.
But when I got him I realised I’d only picked 7up.
May 20, 2019
I hate the key E minor.
It gives me the E-B-G-Bs.
May 20, 2019
At first I thought it was great marrying an archeologist.
But then I found out she was a gold digger and my life is in ruins.
May 20, 2019
Husband: “I’ve looked everywhere and I can’t find it.”
Translation: “I looked in one spot and gave up because I’m lost without you.”
May 19, 2019
My wife and I have decided not to have kids.
The kids are taking it pretty badly.
May 19, 2019
That walk of shame, when you have to put something back in a store, after your mom says no.
May 19, 2019
Shutting down the computer and then 10 minutes later realizing you need it again.
May 19, 2019
What do you call a midget party?
A little get-together.
May 18, 2019
How does Bob Marley like his donuts?
With jammin🎶
May 18, 2019
Breaking news:
An Italian branch of Heinz Soups has just gone into administrone!
May 18, 2019
What’s a Goblin’a favourite dinner.
Ghoulash.
May 18, 2019
My girlfriend asked: “How do you feel about getting married?”
I replied: “It has a nice ring to it.”
May 17, 2019
I showed my badly damaged luggage to a lawyer and said: “I want to sue the airline.”
He said: “But you don’t have much of a case.”
May 17, 2019
I’ve been sending my herbs in the mail.
I wanted to know if thyme travel was possible.
May 17, 2019
I spent 10 minutes trying to remember what the opposite of “night” was.
In the end I had to call it a day...
May 16, 2019
Son: Dad how many kidneys do I have?
Dad: You have 2 son.
Son: Nope 4. (Points to belly) 2 kidneys and (points to legs) 2 kid knees.
May 16, 2019
My friend said he didn’t understand what cloning was.
I said that makes two of us.
May 16, 2019
This is how my week goes:
moooooooooooonday tuuuuuuuuesday
weeeeednesday
thuuuursday
friday
weekend
May 16, 2019
“Boss can I have a week off around Christmas?”
Boss: “It’s May.”
“Sorry. May I have a week off around Christmas?”
May 16, 2019
How do you get Dick from Richard?
You ask nicely.
May 16, 2019
If Bill Gates had a penny for every time he reboots my computer...
Oh wait...he does.
May 16, 2019
The awkward moment when everyone is talking during the class but the teacher only hears your voice.
May 14, 2019
I saw my ex wife across the museum hall, but I felt too self conscious to say hello.
There was just too much history between us.
May 13, 2019
I had a pet newt once. I called him Tiny...
Because he was my newt.
May 13, 2019
My dog’s name is Minton.
Today he ate my shuttlecock
Bad Minton!
May 13, 2019
Why were the two crows arrested?
Murder.
May 13, 2019
That one friend who always gives relationship advice, but is still single.
May 13, 2019
What do you call an ancient Egyptian?
An old Giza.
May 13, 2019


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