The Best Funny Jokes

[me] How long does it take to get there?
[friend] About 5 songs.
February 24, 2020
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut?
A barbercue.
February 24, 2020
I was walking past a farm and a sign said: “Duck, eggs!”
I thought: “That’s an unnecessary comma - then it hit me.”
February 24, 2020
That moment when you walk through a spider web, and instantly turn into a karate master.
February 24, 2020
News just in: Local police have acquired 1000 bees.
They’re being used in a sting operation.
February 24, 2020
A man walks into his home to realize that all his lamps were stolen.
He was delighted.
February 24, 2020
A few minutes ago, I came to the conclusion that tofu is overrated.
It’s just a curd to me.
February 24, 2020
When single ladies get to the age of 50, they tend to get lots of cats.
This phenomenon is known as many paws.
February 24, 2020
I went the doctors the other day complaining about my sore feet.
He said: “Gout!”
I said: “But I’ve only just walked in!”
February 22, 2020
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank..
The rabbit says, I think I might be a type o.
February 22, 2020
[teacher] Why are you late?
[student] Why does it matter? You still get paid, right?
February 22, 2020
I've been teaching myself to juggle clocks.
People are saying I’ve got too much time on my hands.
February 21, 2020
I just bought Spider Man pyjamas.
Hope he likes them.
February 21, 2020
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Cause he Neverlands.
February 21, 2020
Why did the terminator kill people even after retirement?
He was an ex-terminator.
February 21, 2020
What does a grape say when it's squashed?
Nothing, it just lets out a little wine.
February 21, 2020
My landlord says he needs to come talk to me about how high my heating bill is.
I told him, my door is always open.
February 21, 2020
I’m not wearing glasses anymore.
I’ve seen enough.
February 21, 2020
If girls with big boobs work at The Hooters, where do the girls with only one leg work?
IHOP.
February 20, 2020
Waiter: Do you wanna box for your leftover food?
Dad: No thanks, but I’ll wrestle you for them.
February 20, 2020
Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.
February 20, 2020
I dig, you dig, he digs, she digs we dig, they dig.
It’s not a long poem, but it’s deep.
February 20, 2020
What is it called when two mummies fart at the same time?
Toot-in-common.
February 20, 2020
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher?
He couldn’t control his pupils.
February 19, 2020
What do you call a slow bullet ?
A slug.
February 19, 2020
I can never remember the Roman Numerals for 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500...
IM LIVID
February 18, 2020
I like telling dad jokes even though I'm not a dad.
I’m faux pa.
February 18, 2020
I just started a business where we specialize in weighing tiny objects.
It’s a small scale operation.
February 18, 2020
I was so bored that I memorized 6 pages of the dictionary.
I learned next to nothing.
February 18, 2020
What's a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
February 18, 2020
+1


MORE