The Best Funny Jokes

If you really think about it condoms are just sonblock.
October 21, 2019
I was in a band during the 80s called The Prevention.
We were better than the Cure.
October 21, 2019
What has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
October 21, 2019
We all have a friend who thinks they're a pro gamer.
October 21, 2019
What's the fastest liquid on Earth?
Milk. It’s pasteurised before you can see it.
October 20, 2019
What are terminators called when they retire?
Exterminators.
October 20, 2019
What do you call a ginger kid who’s good at martial arts?
The Carroty Kid.
October 20, 2019
My friend Jay recently had twin girls, and wanted to name them after him.
So I suggested Kaye and Elle.
October 20, 2019
A Woodworm walks into a bar...
And asks: “Is the bar tender here?”
October 20, 2019
Is "buttcheeks" one word?
Or should I spread them apart?
October 19, 2019
A new strain of lice is going around that is resistant to conventional treatments.
It’s left scientists scratching their heads.
October 19, 2019
I told my wife that a husband ages like wine. We get better with age.
Then she locked me in the cellar.
October 19, 2019
What subject does a witch teach at school?
Spelling.
October 19, 2019
+1
What did the mouse use to build his house?
Cottage cheese.
October 18, 2019
What did Tennessee?
The same thing as Arkansas.
October 18, 2019
My neighbor kept running across my lawn and then pretends to get blown up by explosives.
I’m tired of his mine games.
October 18, 2019
Why do bees have sticky hair?
They use honeycombs.
October 18, 2019
In the restaurant: "Would you like a table?" "No, a lamp for 5 please."
October 18, 2019
Teachers call it "the bathroom". We call it "I’m bored, I’m leaving".
October 18, 2019
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk.
It’ll be my security gourd.
October 17, 2019
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
October 17, 2019
I found out why nurses carry red crayons.
In case they have to draw blood.
October 17, 2019
My friend is weirdly addicted to taking blurry pictures of himself in the shower.
He has serious selfie steam issues.
October 17, 2019
What’s the difference between a Scotsman and Walt Disney?
A Scotsman wears a kilt and Walt Disney.
October 17, 2019
I recently took up meditation.
It’s better than sitting around doing nothing.
October 17, 2019
Some people are just like trees. They take forever to grow up.
October 16, 2019
That awkward moment when you have 3 minutes left for your exam, and suddenly you remember everything.
October 16, 2019
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?"
I replied, "Single handedly."
October 15, 2019
Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the order 4 5 6 1 2 3?
In charge of the sequence. Yoda was.
October 15, 2019
Which friends should you always take out to dinner?
Your taste buds.
October 15, 2019


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