The Best Funny Jokes

My uncle was crushed by a piano....
His funeral was very low key.
May 24, 2020
+2
Did you hear about the cheese factory explosion in France?
All that was left was de Brie.
May 23, 2020
Don't underestimate the little things in your life, because one day you will realize that they were actually the big things.
May 23, 2020
+1
My wife left a note on the fridge saying: “This isn’t working. I’m leaving.”
“What a lie! I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine.”
May 23, 2020
+1
I used to be in a band called "The Hinges"
We opened for “The Doors.”
May 22, 2020
I somehow managed to make it through high school math while only being able to remember even numbers!!
What are the odds?
May 22, 2020
A lot of times people complain that their significant other takes too long to get ready to go out at night. I've never had that complaint and I think it's because I never want to go anywhere, so I could care less how long it takes her to get ready. That's just less time I have to spend with her horrible friends pretending I don't want to kill myself. She'll take an hour and a half to get ready, come down and be like, 'Oh my goodness, you were so patient.' And I'll be like, 'For what? You look disgusting.' Now she's crying, whatever, I bought myself an extra two hours to watch the game. It's not like she's going to break up with me; she's 10 years younger, she's one opinion away from being replaced. I can say that, I have a television show.
May 21, 2020
Things to do in the summer:
stay home
May 20, 2020
How to name a funny cat video made in 2019
catvid19?
May 20, 2020
It's better to be happy alone than unhappy with someone.
May 20, 2020
+1
I can't find my gone in 60 seconds dvd.
It was here a minute ago.
May 20, 2020
Why is your nose in the middle of your face ?
Because it’s the scenter...
May 19, 2020
I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together.
Riveting.
May 19, 2020
Real people are not perfect, and perfect people are not real.
May 19, 2020
+1
I like to dress up as a referee and walk into a Foot Locker. You gotta try this. It freaks them out. They get all insecure. The guy's like, 'Wait a second, can I help you?' I was like, 'Can I help you, man? I, too, am a referee. Maybe we could work it out together.' And then someone will ask me for a size 10, and I'll be like, 'Do I look like I work here, chief?'
May 19, 2020
My daughter really changed a lot after becoming a vegan.
It’s like I’ve never seen herbivore.
May 19, 2020
I like jokes about the eyes.
The cornea the better.
May 19, 2020
What do you call a Batman who just returned from a fight and got his ass kicked?
A Bruised Wayne.
May 19, 2020
I cannot eat shrimp, lobsters and clams that have been cooked by heated water vapor....
I have shellfish steamed issues.
May 19, 2020
How many bones are in a hand?
A handful.
May 19, 2020
Where do bad rainbows go?
Prism.
May 19, 2020
What did 50Cent do when he got hungry?
58
May 17, 2020
+1
I debated a flat earther once. He stormed off saying he’d walk to the edge of the Earth to prove me wrong.
He’ll come round - eventually.
May 17, 2020
+1
I wa robbed by six dwarves today.
Not happy.
May 17, 2020
What do you call a beehive that has no exits?
Un-bee-lievable.
May 17, 2020
What do you call an annoyed lobster?
A frustacean.
May 17, 2020
Where do lizards go to fix their fallen tails?
The retail shop.
May 16, 2020
What’s the difference between a coyote and a flea?
One howls on the prairie while the other prowls on the hairy.
May 16, 2020
I am Buzz Aldrin. Second man to step on the moon.
Neil before me.
May 16, 2020
What do you call a crocodile that loves guacamole?
A guacodile.
May 16, 2020


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