The Best Funny Jokes

I just found out "AUGGHHH" isn't a real word.
I can
March 12, 2019
I went into an Apple store and farted. Everyone started glaring at me.
I said:
March 12, 2019
Did you hear about the microphone checker that got really drunk?
He had one two one two one two many.
March 12, 2019
Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine.
March 12, 2019
If pronouncing my b's as v's makes me sound Russian, then soviet.
March 12, 2019
What word starts with "e", ends with "e", and only has one letter in it?
Envelope.
March 12, 2019
I was drinking my milkshake on a cliff and thought:
March 12, 2019
My wife just told me that Peter Tork of The Monkees died today. I said,
March 12, 2019
I
March 12, 2019
A friend asked me," What rhymes with orange?"
I said:
March 12, 2019
I once had a conversation with a dolphin.
We just clicked.
March 12, 2019
I've just bought the personalized number plate BAA BAA...
For my black jeep.
March 12, 2019
Dont you hate it when people answer their own questions?
I do.
March 12, 2019
What do you call someone who drills holes?
Boring.
March 12, 2019
Why is girlfriend one word but best friend is two words?
Because your best friend gives you space when you need it.
March 12, 2019
What starts with an "O" and ends with "nions" and sometimes make you cry?
Opinions.
March 12, 2019
Her: Why don
March 12, 2019
Police have warned of a man in craft stores dipping his testicles in glitter.
It
March 12, 2019
People always told my dad that his pride would be the death of him...
And sure enough he was eaten by his favourite lion last Friday.
March 12, 2019
What's the difference between an angry circus owner and a Roman barber?
One is a raving showman and the other is a shaving Roman.
March 12, 2019
People think being a waiter isn't a respectable job.
But hey it puts food on the table.
March 12, 2019
Can February march? No, but April May.
March 12, 2019
What's the difference between a seagull and a baby without a nappy?
One flits across the shore.....
March 12, 2019
Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me.
Luckily my injuries were only Super Fish Oil.
March 12, 2019
I hate autocorrect, it always makes me say things I didn
March 12, 2019
Google is so dangerous! I searched how to become and arsonist.....
And immediately received 50,000 matches!!
March 12, 2019
French people are so hardcore.
They eat pain for breakfast.
March 12, 2019
My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up."
March 12, 2019
My girlfriend and her family all say I'm paranoid.
At least I
March 12, 2019
Google is so dangerous! I searched how to become an arsonist.....
And immediately received 50,000 matches!!