The Best Funny Jokes

How do 1960s baby boomers change a lightbulb?
They don’t. They just tell you how good the old one was.
August 12, 2019
“Waitress, can I ask you something about the menu please?”
Waitress (slaps me round the face): “That’s none of your business!”
August 12, 2019
Statistics say that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship is unfaithful.
So is that my wife or my girlfriend?
August 12, 2019
Interviewer: “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”
Me: “Listening. Yes I’d say listening is my biggest weakness.”
August 12, 2019
What do you call a potato wearing glasses?
A specTater.
August 12, 2019
[friend] Can I ask you something?
[me] You're already asking.
August 12, 2019
As I put my car in reverse, I thought to myself...
“This takes me back.”
August 12, 2019
Never marry a tennis player...
Love means nothing to them!
August 11, 2019
I'm deathly afraid of elevators.
I take a lot of steps to avoid them.
August 11, 2019
The recipe said, “Set the oven to 180 degrees.”
Now I can’t open the oven because the door faces the wall!
August 11, 2019
My son asked me what our IP address was.
I pointed to the toilet.
August 11, 2019
A pun walks into a bar, ten people die on the spot.
Pun in, ten dead.
August 11, 2019
How does The Rock pee?
He Dwaynes his Johnson.
August 11, 2019
My wife is mad I have no sense of direction.
So I packed my bags and right.
August 11, 2019
Why don’t pirates travel on mountain roads?
‘Scurvy.
August 11, 2019
I went to rehab for abusing soap.
I just wanted to get clean.
August 11, 2019
What do you call a little boy who’s half French and half Scottish?
A oui lad.
August 11, 2019
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
August 11, 2019
How to fall asleep faster?
Decorate your bedroom to look like a classroom.
August 10, 2019
What do you call it when all your mother's sisters gather at a funeral to avenge your death?
Vigil aunties.
August 09, 2019
Nurse: "Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible.”
Doctor: “Well tell him I can’t see him right now.”
August 09, 2019
My wife and my family are leaving me because of my obsession with watching horse racing on TV.
“And they’re off!”
August 09, 2019
I'm an awesome singer when no one is listening.
August 09, 2019
“Hey Watson, is that mud on your boots?”
“No, shit Sherlock.”
August 08, 2019
What do they call a chemist who makes sodas?
A fizzycist.
August 08, 2019
What kind of magazines do cows read?
Cattlelogs.
August 08, 2019
Why do I sometimes post long jokes here??
Because this isn’t where they be long.
August 07, 2019
The awkward moment when you are nice and the cat is hissing.
August 07, 2019
Did you know there’s no official training for a garbage collector?
They just pick it up as they go.
August 07, 2019
I thought I saw a flying German sausage, but it turned out to be a seabird.
I took a tern for the wurst.