The Best Funny Jokes

What do pigs and ink have in common?
They both belong in a pen.
March 18, 2020
What language do oranges speak?
Mandarin.
March 18, 2020
What do you call a pile of kittens?
A meowntain.
March 18, 2020
What's funnier than the plague?
This week?
Just about anything.
March 18, 2020
My wife claims that a man in camouflage is really sexy.
I just don’t see it.
March 17, 2020
I tried to make a coronavirus joke a while back.
Nobody laughed at the time, but eventually everyone got it.
March 17, 2020
I have a pure bread dog.
His name is fidough.
March 17, 2020
Run out of toilet paper and having to use lettuce leaves.
Today was the tip of the iceberg.
March 17, 2020
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it but I’m sticking to my guns.
March 17, 2020
You know why rich kids dress like gangster rappers? 'Cause they want an air of criminality about themselves.... Kid, you want to dress like a real criminal, dress like your dad. Dudes in suits have done far worse crimes than a gangster rapper could ever dream of. I guarantee you, a load of gangster rappers have never teamed up and stolen the mineral rights in a developing country. That's never happened -- the album would be too long.
March 16, 2020
Bad relationship can ruin a good song.
March 16, 2020
I was working recently in London -- what a thrill, yeah. But I wasn't used to their money, though, 'cause I bought this really decadent box of chocolates -- the cashier said, 'That'll be 10 pounds.' I'm like, 'Rub it in, why don't you?'
March 16, 2020
I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed.
At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.
March 16, 2020
I've often heard that "icy" is the easiest word to spell.
Looking at it now, I see why.
March 16, 2020
John Travolta tested negative for coronavirus last night.
Turns out it was just Saturday Night Fever.
March 15, 2020
What do you call a starving hippo in Budapest?
A hungry Hungary hippo.
March 15, 2020
I got in touch with my inner self today.
That’s the last time I use cheap toilet paper.
March 15, 2020
I feel sorry for Michael. I have ever since I saw that Oprah Winfrey interview, where we found out he has that thing that causes black people to gradually lose their color -- what's it called? Money.
March 15, 2020
Having a baby is a huge responsibility. It's like a five-year commitment.
March 15, 2020
There will be a baby boom in 9 months.
And in 2033 we’ll witness the rise of the quaranteens.
March 14, 2020
Do you know why people are buying up all the toilet paper?
Because people are losing their shit.
March 14, 2020
You know what makes me throw up?
A dartboard on a ceiling.
March 14, 2020
When my father dies he wants his ashes pressed into a record.
It was his vinyl request
March 14, 2020
Guys like me never get girls in the movies, right? You never see a guy like me with a girl. Alright -- we get them, and then somebody unties them.
March 14, 2020
My wallet is like an onion.
When I open it, it makes me cry.
March 13, 2020
You’ve heard of alphabet soup now get ready for....
Times new ramen!
March 13, 2020
My ex-girlfriend just told me she wants us to get back together again. MAN! I sure am LUCKY!
I mean, first I win the lottery and now THIS!
March 13, 2020
What's the most groundbreaking invention of all time?
The shovel.
March 13, 2020
Did you hear about the dyslexic zombie?
He only eats Brians.
March 13, 2020
Today I was in the bank when two men came in wearing masks...
Everyone felt a huge relief when they told us it’s only a bank robbery.
March 13, 2020


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