The Best Funny Jokes

It's inappropriate to make a 'dad joke' if you're not a dad.
It’s a faux pa.
November 07, 2019
Why didn't 4 ask out 5.
Because he was 2²
November 07, 2019
'"Have you heard my knock-knock joke?" asked the blonde.
"No," said the brunette.
"Okay," said the blonde. "You start."
November 06, 2019
Why was it called the dark ages?
Because of all the knights.
November 05, 2019
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
November 05, 2019
What's the worst thing about ancient history class?
The teachers tend to Babylon.
November 05, 2019
Doctor: Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news?
Patient: “Good new please.”
Doctor: “We’re naming a disease after you.”
November 05, 2019
I farted in Burger King.
It was an absolute Whopper.
November 05, 2019
Did you know that statistically 6 out of 7 dwarves aren’t Happy?
November 05, 2019
About a month ago, I got a cactus, and a week later, it died. I got really depressed because I was like, damn, I am less nurturing than a desert.
November 04, 2019
You know what kills me about Jennifer Lopez? The fact that this woman wakes up one day and she's like, 'You know what? From now on, I'd like people to call me J-Lo,' and then they do it. Only a celebrity can get away with this. George Bush doesn't come out for his morning press conferences: 'From now on, I'd like to be referred to as G-Bu. Y'all know my vice president, Dog Chain.'
November 04, 2019
“I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.
November 03, 2019
I hate it when people don't know the difference between your and you're.
There so stupid.
November 03, 2019
Police arrested two kids, one for eating batteries, the other for eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.
November 03, 2019
What did little Johnny's mother do when she caught him zapping the other children with static electricity?
She grounded him.
November 03, 2019
The awkward moment when the only thing you know on your test is your name.
November 03, 2019
Stan and John are walking to school one day and Stan is describing his new Playstation 2 to John. "Where did you get that?" John asked "I got it last night for Hanukkah," said Stan. "What''s Hanukkah?" John asked.
"It''s the Jewish holiday where we get presents every night for eight nights to celebrate the festival of lights."
"Wow, I wish we got that!" John exclaimed. The next day on the way to school John runs up to Stan, curious to see what he got. He sees that Stan is upset, "What''s wrong? Where''s your present from last night?" asks John.
Stan holds up a ball of crumpled wrapping paper, "It was leftovers night."
November 02, 2019
"Lets stay up all night!" 2 hours later "Screw this! I'm tired."
November 02, 2019
Did you know vampires arent real?
Unless you Count Dracula.
November 01, 2019
Someone broke into my house last night and stole my limbo trophy.
How low can you go?
November 01, 2019
What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing...they fast.
November 01, 2019
What do you get if you put a duck in a cement mixer?
Quacks in the pavement.
October 31, 2019
I was a bit afraid of making breakfast this Halloween morning but...
I ain’t afraid of no toast.
October 31, 2019
I always wake up with a new hairstyle.
October 31, 2019
[friend] Did the bus come yet?
[me] If the bus came would I be standing here?
October 31, 2019
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was a rude awakening.
October 30, 2019
What's large, grey, and doesn't matter?
An irrelephant.
October 30, 2019
Lazy rule: If ice falls, kick it under the fridge.
October 29, 2019
I’ve been saying “mucho” more when talking to my Hispanic friends.
It means a lot to them.
October 28, 2019
Lazy rule: It's too late to make a bed today.
October 28, 2019


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