The Best Funny Jokes

What did Delaware?
Maybe a New Jersey? I don’t know, but Alaska.
February 10, 2020
I was in New Mexico and a cowboy asked me if I could help round up 18 cows.
I said: “Yes, of course, that’d be 20 cows.”
February 10, 2020
My Dad told me he always struggled with three subjects in school.
Maths, and he couldn’t remember the other one.
February 10, 2020
Did you hear about the man who fell into the upholstery machine?
He’s fully recovered.
February 10, 2020
At the office, the nickname that my coworkers gave me is ‘Mr. Compromise”.
It isn’t my first choice, but I can live with it.
February 10, 2020
I just quit my job at the helium factory.
I won’t be spoken to in that tone.
February 10, 2020
Common sense is like deodorant.
Those who need it never use it.
February 10, 2020
Sometimes it's hard to tell if I'm hungry or bored.
February 10, 2020
Party instructions: Walk in. Eat as much as you can. Walk out.
February 10, 2020
"Dad, how do you cast spells?"
“You just follow the instructions.”
“Which instructions?”
“Yep, they’re the ones. “
February 09, 2020
When I was in college, I used to live on a houseboat and started dating the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
February 09, 2020
FUN FACT: If you sneeze and fart at the same time...
Your body takes a screenshot.
February 09, 2020
I trapped a couple of vegan burglars in my basement. At least I think they're vegan.
They kept shouting lettuce leaf.
February 09, 2020
We argued all day about what to call a medieval soldier.
But it was getting late so we called it a knight.
February 09, 2020
Took my pet fish to the chippy the other day, I asked "Do you do fish cakes?”
"Yep we do.”
"Good cos it's his birthday tomorrow.”
February 09, 2020
I’ve got some racing geese for sale.
Let me know if you want a quick gander
February 09, 2020
What do you call a video of two toads having sex?
Frogsporn.
February 09, 2020
I just found out that my friend has a secret life as a priest.
It’s his altar ego.
February 08, 2020
What did the tectonic plate say when it bumped into another tectonic plate?
Sorry that’s my fault.
February 08, 2020
Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn’t change colour?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
February 08, 2020
I was driving my date to her house and told her that I wasn't good with directions; she just laughed at me...
So I right her left there.
February 08, 2020
What do you call a monkey that stepped on a minefield?
A ba-boom.
February 08, 2020
3 words 8 letters. "I got food"
February 08, 2020
[guy] nice sunset
[girl] yes, it's great
[guy] you mean, romance?
[girl] nope, astrophysics
February 08, 2020
In the morning, there is a huge difference between 6:00 and 6:10.
February 08, 2020
Waking up in the middle of the night, thinking about pizza.
February 08, 2020
How can you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator?
Easy, one will see you later, the other will see you in a while.
February 08, 2020
Bro, can you pass me that pamphlet?
Brochure.
February 08, 2020
Eating popcorn: 90% during the trailers. 10% during the movie.
February 07, 2020
Just got the perfect tool for making a good indian flat bread.
It’s a naan stick pan.
February 07, 2020


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