The Best Funny Jokes

How do you turn a three-dimensional printer into a four-dimensional printer?
Just give it time.
September 08, 2019
Genie: What is your final wish?
Boy: I wish I were you.
Genue: weurd but alrught.
September 08, 2019
I built an electric fence around my property yesterday.
My neighbour is dead against it.
September 08, 2019
Sometimes I wonder if there's a girl who doesn't like shopping.
September 08, 2019
When I eat pizza at 6 in the evening when I wake up, is it breakfast or dinner?
September 07, 2019
A friend just told me that my daughter and my wife look like twins.
I said: “Well they were separated at birth.”
September 07, 2019
If you’re ever choking on an ice cube...
Just wait.
September 07, 2019
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up...
They’d be alloys.
September 07, 2019
For Christmas, I bought my wife new beads for her abacus.
It’s the little things that count.
September 07, 2019
I can always tell when someone is lying just by looking at them.
I can tell when they’re standing too.
September 05, 2019
My wife convinced me to wear a hideous leather jacket that she got for me.
I guess I’m easily suede.
September 05, 2019
I told my daughter, “Its always been my dream to walk you down the aisle.”
She said: “Dad, we’re grocery shopping.”
September 05, 2019
Pulls me over, he goes, 'Do you know why I pulled you over?' I go, 'Because I was speeding?' He goes, 'Nope, because you're black. Don't you read the papers?'
September 05, 2019
If number 666 is evil,
Then 25.8069758011 is the root of all evil.
September 04, 2019
What do you call a bee that lives in America?
USB.
September 04, 2019
A mustache must ache.
September 04, 2019
What is the way two French dudes share files electronically?
Pierre to Pierre network.
September 04, 2019
Why does the Dalai Lama go to Vegas so often?
He loves Tibet.
September 04, 2019
My friend gets really upset when I call him a flat-Earther.
He says the correct term is bulldozer operator.
September 04, 2019
My obese parrot died.
It was a weight off my shoulder.
September 04, 2019
So my friend decided to get a face tattoo of her favourite Star Wars character.
You should have seen the Luke on her face.
September 03, 2019
What’s the difference between a hot potato and a flying pig?
One is a heated yam while the other is a yeeted ham.
September 03, 2019
I hate how funerals are always at 9 or 10am.
I’m not a mourning person.
September 03, 2019
The first rule of Passive Aggressive Club is...
...you know what? Never mind. It’s FINE.
September 03, 2019
Puns leave me numb.
Mathematical puns leave me number.
September 03, 2019
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
This changes everything.
September 03, 2019
I sent my hearing aids in for repair about a month ago.
I’ve heard nothing since.
September 03, 2019
Yo' Mama is so ugly, they use her face to make animal crackers.
September 03, 2019
Q: Why was there so much confusion with the Secret Service after George W. Bush took over the White House?
A: President Bill Clinton's code name was "Mr. Bush."
September 03, 2019
My wife left me because I am insecure.
No wait. She’s back. She just went to make coffee.
September 02, 2019


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