The Best Funny Jokes

A rabbit used to come up to my front yard every day for food, but hasn’t shown up in a week.
Now it’s just some bunny that I used to know.
July 12, 2019
The urge to sing the lion sleeps to night is just...
A whim away a whim away a whim away...
July 12, 2019
My question is -- after you've been arrested three or four times, who calls up their friends and goes, 'Hey! Let's get an eight-ball, let's get a bag of weed, let's get a gun, let's get a six-pack and -- f**k it -- I'll drive!'
July 12, 2019
Today my wife said "I would love to go to the south of France one day".
I replied: “That would be Nice.”
July 12, 2019
My last girlfriend left me for being unnecessarily mysterious...
..or did she?
July 11, 2019
My obese parrot died the other day.
Have to admit it’s a big weight off my shoulders.
July 11, 2019
Sometimes it feels like the lyrics to a song you're listening to were written just for you.
July 11, 2019
A shoplifter stole an entire case of Red Bull from my store today.
I have no idea how he can sleep at night.
July 11, 2019
My colleagues at work have given me the nickname “Mr. Compromise.”
It’s not my first choice but I’m ok with it.
July 10, 2019
I swear to drunk I’m not God...
But seriously, stay in drugs, eat school, and don’t do vegetables.
July 10, 2019
Dogs can’t read an X-ray or MRI.
But catscan.
July 10, 2019
What did the alien say to the cat?
Take me to your litter.
July 10, 2019
A shoplifter stole and entire case of Red Bull from my store today.
I have no idea how he can sleep at night.
July 10, 2019
That awesome moment when you're at a party and your favorite song comes on.
July 10, 2019
No matter how kind you are...
German children are kinder.
July 09, 2019
My neighbours listen to really good music…
Whether they like it or not.
July 09, 2019
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye.
Seems she was see someone else the whole time.
July 09, 2019
If there's a hundred reasons to quit, there may be a thousand reasons not to give up.
July 09, 2019
What happened when the red ship crashed into the blue ship?
The crews were marooned.
July 09, 2019
A thief broke into my house last night looking for money.
So I got out of bed to look with him.
July 09, 2019
I remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject.
Now when you mention botox, no one raises an eyebrow.
July 09, 2019
I didn't think my orthopedic shoes would work...
But I stand corrected.
July 08, 2019
Donald Trump wants to ban the sale of shredded cheese.
He wants to make America grate again.
July 08, 2019
Hugs were invented to let people know you love them without having to say anything.
July 08, 2019
Why do North Koreans draw the straightest lines?
Because they have a supreme ruler.
July 08, 2019
I met a nice girl at a bar last night and asked her to call me when she made it home.
She must be homeless.
July 08, 2019
My wife bought a new bra but it is really hard to unhook.
I don’t know why I tried it on in the first place.
July 08, 2019
I asked my chef friend how hard it would be to make a stir-fry in a meadow?
He said it was just a wok in the park.
July 07, 2019
I'm a Jersey girl myself. I grew up there as a latchkey kid. You guys know what that is? It's like a legal term for neglect.
July 07, 2019
I use to be indecisive...
But now I’m not so sure...