The Best Funny Jokes

Will Trump resign?
No, but Theresa May.
May 25, 2019
All the comic books I bought from the store are missing the last page.
I have to draw my own conclusions.
May 25, 2019
A sperm donor, a carpenter and Julius Caesar walked into a bar.
He came, he saw, he conquered.
May 25, 2019
That annoying person that gets good grades, but doesn't study much.
May 24, 2019
Went to the doctors and said: “Have you got anything for wind?”
He gave me a kite.
May 24, 2019
I hate it when people say age is only a number.
Age is clearly a word.
May 23, 2019
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
May 23, 2019
When I was younger I felt like a man trapped in a woman’s body.
Then I was born...
May 22, 2019
How do you think the unthinkable?
With an itheberg.
May 22, 2019
My grief counsellor died the other day.
But he was so good I didn’t give a shit.
May 22, 2019
Saw my doctor today to tell her of my dreams about Tom Jones ..
I asked her “is this common?”
She answered “it’s not unusual..”
May 22, 2019
Why is 68 afraid of 70?
Because 69 and 70 got into a fight and 71.
May 21, 2019
I went to the store to pick up 8 cans of sprite.
But when I got home I realised I’d only picked 7up.
May 20, 2019
I just saw my wife walk by with her sexiest underwear on, which can only mean on thing...
It’s laundry day.
May 20, 2019
I went to the store to pick up 8 cans of sprite.
But when I got him I realised I’d only picked 7up.
May 20, 2019
I hate the key E minor.
It gives me the E-B-G-Bs.
May 20, 2019
At first I thought it was great marrying an archeologist.
But then I found out she was a gold digger and my life is in ruins.
May 20, 2019
Husband: “I’ve looked everywhere and I can’t find it.”
Translation: “I looked in one spot and gave up because I’m lost without you.”
May 19, 2019
My wife and I have decided not to have kids.
The kids are taking it pretty badly.
May 19, 2019
That walk of shame, when you have to put something back in a store, after your mom says no.
May 19, 2019
Shutting down the computer and then 10 minutes later realizing you need it again.
May 19, 2019
What do you call a midget party?
A little get-together.
May 18, 2019
How does Bob Marley like his donuts?
With jammin🎶
May 18, 2019
Breaking news:
An Italian branch of Heinz Soups has just gone into administrone!
May 18, 2019
What’s a Goblin’a favourite dinner.
Ghoulash.
May 18, 2019
My girlfriend asked: “How do you feel about getting married?”
I replied: “It has a nice ring to it.”
May 17, 2019
I showed my badly damaged luggage to a lawyer and said: “I want to sue the airline.”
He said: “But you don’t have much of a case.”
May 17, 2019
I’ve been sending my herbs in the mail.
I wanted to know if thyme travel was possible.
May 17, 2019
I spent 10 minutes trying to remember what the opposite of “night” was.
In the end I had to call it a day...
May 16, 2019
Son: Dad how many kidneys do I have?
Dad: You have 2 son.
Son: Nope 4. (Points to belly) 2 kidneys and (points to legs) 2 kid knees.