The Best Funny Jokes

I went to a haunted bed and breakfast in France. I left.
The place was giving me the crepes.
June 30, 2019
Why was 79 sad?
Because 81.
June 30, 2019
+1
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer...
...than the men who mention it.
June 30, 2019
What is the most ironic name for a vegan?
Hunter.
June 29, 2019
Sadly, I've lost 20% of my sight.
Sigh....
June 29, 2019
It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs.
They always take things literally.
June 29, 2019
My girlfriend gets mad whenever I mess with her red wine.
So I added fruit and lemonade to it and now she’s sangria then ever.
June 29, 2019
The best things in life are usually found when you are not looking for them.
June 29, 2019
Asking your pet a question like they will respond.
June 28, 2019
Sometimes I talk to myself when I'm alone and it's kinda sad.
Me too.
June 28, 2019
That awkward moment when your crush asks you "who do you like?".
June 28, 2019
What happens after you eat aluminum?
You sheet metal.
June 27, 2019
What do you call two monkeys who share an Amazon account?
Prime mates.
June 27, 2019
Guess who woke up with 20 missed calls from his ex?
My ex.
June 27, 2019
Why do native Americans hate snow?
Because it’s white and settles on their land.
June 27, 2019
Justice is a dish best served cold.
If it were warm it would be justwater.
June 27, 2019
Getting my toy drone stuck up in a tree wasn’t the worse thing that happened to me today.
But it’s up there.
June 27, 2019
I'm not immature.
I just know how to have fun.
June 26, 2019
Opening a pizza box, and searching for the biggest slice.
June 26, 2019
I recently took a pole...
...and found out that 100% of the people in the tent were angry when it collapsed.
June 25, 2019
A huge thank you to my neighbour for allowing me to borrow her large sheet of plastic covering.
Ta Pauline.
June 25, 2019
9 months isn’t really that long.
It just feels like a maternity.
June 25, 2019
What did the cheese say to itself in the mirror?
Halloumi.
June 25, 2019
I'd like a game show with millionaires on it, and they have to play with their own money, and they can't win money, they can only lose 'til one them goes complete broke, and the show's called 'Ha Ha, Now You're Poor.'
June 25, 2019
That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes, and you slowly put another dish in the sink.
June 25, 2019
I never smoke grass and drive my car because, for one thing, no matter how many letters I write to the road commissions, they still refuse to start designing highways with second-chance exits.
June 25, 2019
Anyone looking for a gardener?
I can recommend Little Richard.
He came round to ours and...lopped all the rhubarb, he lopped bamboo.
June 25, 2019
The cafe down the road is changing it's name to The Dire Straits Cafe.
They're asking money for muffins but the chips are free.
June 25, 2019
I went to a haunted bed and breakfast in France.
The place was giving me the crepes.
June 24, 2019
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night.
Oof.