The Best Funny Jokes

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory.
All I did was take a day off.
June 16, 2019
+1
My girlfriend poked me in the eyes...
...so I stopped seeing her for a while.
June 16, 2019
Humans are born with four kidneys.
When they grow up two of them become adult knees.
June 16, 2019
My old dad really wanted to make paper planes with him.
Eventually I folded.
June 16, 2019
That awkward moment when you don't understand a joke but laugh anyway, and then someone asks you to explain the joke.
June 16, 2019
My boss told me to have a good day.
So I went home.
June 15, 2019
In laughter the L comes first.
The rest of the letters come aughter it.
June 15, 2019
My study breaks are longer than my actual study time.
June 15, 2019
[scientist] The average person spends 12 hours online per week.
[me] You mean per day, right?
June 15, 2019
When I found out my toaster wasn’t waterproof....
I was shocked.
June 13, 2019
I broke my finger today.
But on the other hand I’m fine.
June 13, 2019
Awkward moment when you say "I love you" and they say "OK".
June 13, 2019
I went to a psychic.
I knocked on her front door.
She yelled: “Who is it?”
So I left.
June 13, 2019
I just broke two of my dad’s old Queen Records.
Now I want to break three.
June 13, 2019
My wife is a body builder.
She’s pregnant.
June 13, 2019
I was kidnapped by a gang of mimes.
They threatened to do unspeakable things.
June 12, 2019
I bet no one will see this one coming.
1.
June 11, 2019
I just lost 20% of my couch.
Ouch.
June 11, 2019
My girlfriend left me saying I am too insecure...
No, wait, she’s back! She only went to make a cup of tea.
June 11, 2019
After 20 years working on it, I finally finished my physics book..
...it was about time.
June 11, 2019
I needed a password eight characters long.
So I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
June 11, 2019
I’m an optimistic pessimist.
I’m positive things will go wrong.
June 11, 2019
We all know the show is called Spongebob Squarepants.
But the star is Patrick
June 10, 2019
What do you call two trans dwarfs having sex?
A microtransaction.
June 10, 2019
What do you call fake potatoes?
Imitaters.
June 10, 2019
Sometimes I wonder how many miles I have scrolled my mouse wheel.
June 10, 2019
The man who invented Velcro died.
RIP.
June 09, 2019
Dr: I’m afraid you’re DNA is backwards.
Me: And?
June 09, 2019
I’m terrified of elevators.
So I’m going going to start taking steps to avoid them.
June 09, 2019
My gran hates her new stairlift.
She says it drives her up the wall.