The Best Funny Jokes

My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up."
March 12, 2019
My girlfriend and her family all say I'm paranoid.
At least I
March 12, 2019
Google is so dangerous! I searched how to become an arsonist.....
And immediately received 50,000 matches!!
March 12, 2019
What does a panda use to make pancakes?
A pan...duh!
March 12, 2019
As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.
The plot thickens.
March 12, 2019
Judge I
March 12, 2019
What do you call a pit full of donkeys?
An asshole.
March 12, 2019
I asked my grandmother how she is enjoying her new stairlift.
She said:
March 12, 2019
Just walked into the local and asked for some helicopter flavour crisps.
March 12, 2019
I can
March 12, 2019
I once ate a dictionary.
It gave me thesaurus throat I
March 12, 2019
Why couldn
March 12, 2019
The guy who stole my diary just died.
My thoughts are with his family.
March 12, 2019
This morning I tried to catch some fog.
Mist.
March 12, 2019
What do you call a dentist
March 12, 2019
I would like to be a millionaire just like my dad.
He always wanted to be a millionaire too.
March 12, 2019
+1
Last week a German shepherd defecated in front of me on my lawn!
And yesterday he brought his dog along.
March 12, 2019
A warning to the person who stole my glasses.
I have contacts!
March 12, 2019
I told my wife she
March 12, 2019
Time flies like an arrow...
Fruit flies like a banana.
March 12, 2019
They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian.
Well, they're not laughing now.
March 12, 2019
I was wondering, why does a frisbee appear larger the closer it gets...
Then it hit me.
March 12, 2019
My wife is furious at our next door neighbour who sunbathes nude in her garden.
Personally, I
March 12, 2019
I used to hate facial hair.
But then it grew on me.
March 12, 2019
What
March 12, 2019
What do you call 52 pieces of bread?
A deck of carbs.,
March 12, 2019
Why are ancient history lecturers boring?
They tend to Babylon.
March 12, 2019
I wonder how many people can tell a difference between smiling at someone and the moment when someone is trying to stop laughing.
March 12, 2019
I used to be such a good guy but the life changed me.
March 12, 2019
If you want dreams to happen go to bed.