The Best Funny Jokes

How do you make a water bed more bouncy?
Add spring water.
April 08, 2019
I saw a woman with 12 breasts the other day.
Sounds weird, dozen tit?
April 08, 2019
Why did the invisible man turn down the job?
Because he couldn’t see himself doing it.
April 08, 2019
What do you call a constipated detective?
No shit Sherlock.
April 08, 2019
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.
That’s just how I roll.
April 08, 2019
Where does Superman buy his shoes?
Clarks, Kent.
April 08, 2019
I hate people with missing toes.
Because I’m lack toes intolerant.
April 07, 2019
I have a playlist of songs from Eminem, the Cranberries and the Peanuts.
I named it the Trail Mix.
April 07, 2019
I just spotted an albino Dalmatian
It was the least I could do to help.
April 07, 2019
My wife gets angry that I keep introducing her as my ex-girlfriend.
April 07, 2019
Mountains aren’t just funny...
They’re hill areas.
April 07, 2019
For the first time in history..
The UK is going to see the end of May before the end of April.
April 07, 2019
Four fonts walk into a bar.
The barman says “We don’t want your TYPE in here.”
April 07, 2019
What’s the difference between me and a calendar?
A calendar has dates.
April 07, 2019
I just refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good to watch.
April 07, 2019
I’ve just downloaded the Queen movie, Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think it was filmed in a cinema tho as a see a little silhouetto of a man...
April 07, 2019
How does it feel when you cross a melon with a cauliflower?
Melancholy.
April 06, 2019
I ordered a chicken and an egg on Amazon.
I’ll let you know.
April 06, 2019
At the gym doing sit ups. Boy: "21... 22... 23..." some girl walks by "124... 125... 126..."
April 06, 2019
A true friend will never get tired of listening to your problems over and over again.
April 06, 2019
I grew facial hair without telling anyone?
It’s my secret ‘stache.
April 06, 2019
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?
Because he had a ton of sick beets.
April 06, 2019
Why did Waldo wear stripes?
Cause he didn’t want to be spotted.
April 06, 2019
It’s probably not safe for me to be driving right now.
But, hey, bad brakes have never stopped me before.
April 06, 2019
A cop pulled me over and asked me “where were you at 5 - 6”?
I replied: Kindergarten.
April 06, 2019
No bragging but I made six figures last year.
So they named me the worst employee at the toy factory.
April 04, 2019
Why can’t you breed an eel with an eagle?
It’s Eeleagle.
April 04, 2019
I’ve been watering my herbs with leftover coffee.
I love coffee thyme.
April 04, 2019
I went to the pub with a boxer but he’s just a lightweight.
April 04, 2019
Why is it impossible to starve in the desert?
Because of all the sand which is there (read aloud, twice 👊🤣).