The Best Funny Jokes

My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo
So I had to put my foot down.
May 08, 2020
Use your smile to change the world but don't let the world to change your smile.
May 08, 2020
What type of cake makes you no longer have sex?
Wedding cake.
May 08, 2020
Just read a book about the history of glue.
Couldn’t put it down.
May 07, 2020
Two goldfish in a tank.
One says to the other: “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
May 07, 2020
My daughter thinks I’m overprotective and nosy.
At least that’s what she wrote in her diary.
May 07, 2020
A small meteorite is reportedly headed for Legoland.
The damage is expected to be 50 square blocks.
May 07, 2020
A neutron walked into a bar and asked the bartender. "how much for a beer?'
Bartender: “For you - no charge.”
May 07, 2020
I was walking home last night and someone threw a jar of mayonnaise at me.
I thought, “What the Helman!”
May 06, 2020
When I die I want to die peacefully in sleep like my granddad ...
Not screaming hysterically like his passengers.
May 05, 2020
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool.
I gave him a glass of water.
May 05, 2020
Ran out of toilet paper and am now wiping with lettuce leaves.
Today was the top of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
May 05, 2020
Why do North Koreans draw the straightest lines?
Because the have a supreme ruler.
May 04, 2020
Farting in a packed elevator...
Is wrong on so many levels.
May 04, 2020
Does Sean Connery like herbs?
Yes, but only partially.
May 03, 2020
What do you call a really unimportant elephant?
May 03, 2020
39 & 40 were having a bet to see which one was bigger.
May 03, 2020
Einstein finally finished his theory of relativity.
It’s about time.
May 03, 2020
I dreamed I saw a color I never saw before.
It was just a pigment of my imagination.
May 02, 2020
It might be hard to say I love you.
It's much easier to write it.
It's even easier to copy and paste it.
May 01, 2020
An old Japanese gardener asked me what I knew about bonsai trees. I said...
“Very little.”
April 30, 2020
I just watched a documentary about beavers.
Best dam show I’ve ever seen.
April 30, 2020
What did one hat say to the other?
You stay here; I’ll go on ahead.
April 30, 2020
Every morning after I get out of the house, a bike comes out of nowhere and runs me over.
It’s a vicious cycle.
April 30, 2020
What do you call someone who cleans a vaccum cleaner?
A vacuum cleaner.
April 30, 2020
A fortune teller told me I'd suffer awful heart break in 12 years.
To cheer myself up I bought a puppy.
April 30, 2020
One more video and I'm going to bed.
One more lockdown extend and I'm going to work.
April 30, 2020
I had a hen who could count her own eggs.
She’s a mathmachicken.
April 29, 2020
Before my surgery, the anesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle...
It was an ether/oar situation.
April 29, 2020
Where’s the best place in America to shop for a football kit?
New Jersey!
April 29, 2020