The Best Funny Jokes

I used to think I was indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
October 27, 2019
What’s the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant?
About 5000 miles.
October 27, 2019
+2
I’ll What do you call a bee who can’t make up his mind?
A maybe.
October 27, 2019
I went to the doctor yesterday and he says I'm paranoid.
Who else has he told?
October 27, 2019
Lazy rule: Can't reach it? Don't need it.
October 27, 2019
+1
What do you call a magical bra?
An abracadabra.
October 26, 2019
I just got hired at a company that makes bicycle wheels!!
I’m the spokesperson.
October 26, 2019
If I started a band called “Ceiling”...
Would that make people who enjoy my music “Ceiling fans?”
October 26, 2019
I'm annoyed because I had to work at the museum tonight moving suits of armour.
I hate knight shifts.
October 26, 2019
My flat-earther friend decided to walk to the end of the world to prove it is flat.
In the end, he came around.
October 26, 2019
“Doc, all my 5 kids want to be valets when they grow up!”
Doctor: “Wow! That’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.”
October 26, 2019
That's gonna be the next civil war in this country: smokers or non. The non-smokers are gonna win. What are the smokers gonna do -- run?
October 26, 2019
I'm making a new documentary on how to fly a plane.
We’re currently filming the pilot.
October 25, 2019
I called the tinnitus help line.
I wouldn’t stop ringing.
October 25, 2019
I eat less.
I'm hungry.
I eat more.
I'm hungry.
October 25, 2019
What do you call a car that's covered in leaves?
An autumnobile.
October 24, 2019
What kind of vitamin improves your eyesight?
Vitamin see.
October 24, 2019
How does moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it.
October 24, 2019
I keep trying to lose weight.
But it keeps finding me.
October 24, 2019
What has 3 balls and floats in space.
ET the extra testicle.
October 24, 2019
My wife is incredibly smart.
When I called her from my buddy’s phone she answered “hey love.”
She already knew it was me!
October 24, 2019
That one friend who's watching a movie and yelling at the characters for doing something stupid.
October 24, 2019
Astronaut 1: hey I can't find any milk for my coffee.
Astronaut 2: in space, no one can. Here, use cream.
October 23, 2019
That strange moment when you wake up at 7 in the afternoon.
October 23, 2019
I had gonorrhea in February -- I know, I was shocked as well. I didn't have any typical symptoms. The only symptom I had was a searing earache from my girlfriend screaming at me for giving her gonorrhea.
October 23, 2019
Friend: Your wife and daughter look like they could be twins!
Me: Well they were separated at birth.
October 22, 2019
I was feeling bad about the future today, but then I installed the new version of office.
It improved my outlook.
October 22, 2019
If you really think about it condoms are just sonblock.
October 21, 2019
I was in a band during the 80s called The Prevention.
We were better than the Cure.
October 21, 2019
What has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
October 21, 2019


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