The Best Funny Jokes

What do you call a man with no shins?
Tony.
August 04, 2019
What do priests say to get rid of insects in the church?
Let us spray.
August 04, 2019
I joined a gym and said to the trainer, “I want to impress beautiful girls, which machine should I use?”
“Try the ATM outside,” he said.
August 04, 2019
That annoying moment when you have to keep removing your headphones, because you think someone keeps talking to you.
August 04, 2019
Where do poor italians live?
In the spaghetto.
August 03, 2019
What do you call a floating dog?
A good buoy!
August 03, 2019
What’s it called when a chameleon can’t change its colors anymore?
A reptile dysfunction.
August 03, 2019
I love sleeping, but I don't like going to sleep.
August 03, 2019
I wonder if the earth, teases other planets, for having no life.
August 03, 2019
Eating popcorn:
90% during the trailers.
10% during the movie.
August 03, 2019
When you are right, no one remembers.
When you are wrong, no one forgets.
August 03, 2019
What is the difference between unlawful and illegal?
One is against the law, the other is a sick bird.
August 02, 2019
What do you say to comfort an English teacher?
They’re, there, their.
August 02, 2019
What's the toughest part of being a vegan?
Keeping it to yourself.
August 02, 2019
Best moment to sleep:
10% - in the evening.
90% - in the morning.
August 02, 2019
My mind says go to the gym, but my heart says food.
August 02, 2019
+1
What happens if the average number of bullies at a school goes up?
The mean increases.
August 01, 2019
A Jamaican man has stormed into my hairdressers and demanded I give him a new style.
I’m dreading it.
August 01, 2019
What do you call a girl in the middle of a tennis court?
Anette.
August 01, 2019
Who is bigger, Mr. Bigger or Mr. Bigger’s baby?
Mr Bigger’s baby, because he’s a little Bigger.
August 01, 2019
A girl agreed to go out with me after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
Schwepped her off her feet.
August 01, 2019
That strange moment when someone reminds the teacher about the homework.
August 01, 2019
"How do I look?"
[friend] Fine.
[good friend] Really pretty.
[best friend] Horrible.
August 01, 2019
I accidentally swallowed a bunch of scrabble tiles.
My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.
July 31, 2019
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s sham poo.
July 31, 2019
I accidentally swallowed some string last night.
I shit you knot.
July 31, 2019
My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner.
So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
July 31, 2019
3 years ago I married my best friend...
My girlfriend was angry but Dave and me thought it was hilarious.
July 31, 2019
A bloke goes into a pet shop and asks for a wasp.
“We don’t sell wasps,” says the pet shop owner.
“Well there’s one in the window!”
July 31, 2019
My favorite place to taser people: the Renaissance Fair. The Renaissance Fair 'cause it makes me feel like an evil wizard from the future.