The Best Funny Jokes

I don’t understand why no one likes the Night King on Game of Thrones.
I think he looks pretty chilled.
April 25, 2019
That strange moment when you wake up 1 minute before your alarm clock.
April 25, 2019
In college I was so broke I couldn’t afford the electricity bill.
Those were the darkest days of my life.
April 25, 2019
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He ate his food before it was cool.
April 25, 2019
My wife is threatening to Ieave me because of my obsession with wearing a new teeshirt every hour.
I said: “Wait! I can change.”
April 24, 2019
A kid decides to burn his house down.
Dad - putting his arm round his wife, both with tears welling in their eyes - “That’s arson.”
April 24, 2019
Stopped at this roadside stand that said lobster tails £2. So I paid my £2 and he said...
“Once upon a time there was this lobster...”
April 23, 2019
Officer: “I’m sorry to say sir but it looks like your wife has been hit by a bus.”
Man: “Yeah but she’s got a great personality.”
April 23, 2019
Why did the Mexican take his wife to the cliff top?
Tequila...
April 23, 2019
Q: What did the blonde do when she learned that 90% of all crimes occur around the home?
A: She moved.
April 23, 2019
I woke up this morning to find that someone had dumped a load of Lego bricks on my doorstep.
I don’t know what to make of it.
April 23, 2019
What’s the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?
The people in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi do.
April 22, 2019
Did you know that diarrhoea is hereditary?
It runs in your jeans.
April 22, 2019
A man in a wheelchair just stole my camouflage jacket.
I hope he knows that he can hide but he can’t run.
April 22, 2019
A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says:
“I’ll have 5 beers please.”
April 22, 2019
Don't count the number of friends you have, but the number of friends you can count on.
April 22, 2019
Boss: How good are you at Power Point?
Me: I Excel at it.
Boss: Was that a Microsoft Office pun?
Me: Word.
April 21, 2019
A Roman walls into a bar, holds up two fingers and says:
“I’ll have 5 beers please.”
April 21, 2019
Dear sneeze: If you're going to happen, happen. Don't put a stupid look on my face, leaving it at that. Sincerely, I look like an idiot.
April 21, 2019
I just saw a real idiot at the gym.
He put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.
April 20, 2019
What should a lawyer always wear to a court?
A good lawsuit!
April 20, 2019
What is a Jehovah’s Witness’ favourite band?
The Doors.
April 20, 2019
What do you call an ocean of orange soda?
A Fanta Sea.
April 20, 2019
I asked my wife how to turn Alexa off.
She said: “How about walking through the room naked?”
April 20, 2019
If you rearrange the letters of POSTMEN...
They become VERY ANGRY.
April 20, 2019
I’m reading a great book about Lubricants.
It’s non friction.
April 20, 2019
What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?
Philippe Flop.
April 20, 2019
If one teacher can't teach every subject, why do the students have to learn them all?
April 20, 2019
+1
My wife threatened to leave me because of my “filthy and disgusting habits.”
I was so shocked I nearly choked on my toenails.
April 19, 2019
What happened when 30 got hungry?
38.
April 19, 2019


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