The Best Funny Jokes

"How do I look?"
[friend] Fine.
[good friend] Really pretty.
[best friend] Horrible.
February 01, 2020
Have you ever tried eating a clock?
It’s really time consuming, especially if you go for seconds.
January 31, 2020
I always carry a picture of my wife and children in my wallet.
It reminds me why there’s no money in there.
January 31, 2020
I always carry a picture of my wife and children in my wallet.
It reminds why there’s no money in there.
January 31, 2020
How much space will Brexit free up in the European Union?
1 GB.
January 30, 2020
What did one plate say to the other?
Lunch is on me!
January 30, 2020
I invented a new word today.
Plagiarism.
January 30, 2020
A guy broke into my house last night and was looking for money.
So I got up and looked with him.
January 30, 2020
What's the worlds saddest pizza?
Pepperlonely.
January 30, 2020
I can't find my 'Gone in 60 Seconds' DVD.
It was here a minute ago.
January 29, 2020
My father doesn't trust anyone. In fact he has a saying...
But he won’t tell me.
January 29, 2020
What do you call a slow bullet?
A slug.
January 29, 2020
I didn't take my husband's name when I got married.
I thought it would be confusing if we were both called Kevin.
January 29, 2020
What do you call an angsty teenage robot?
A sigh borg.
January 29, 2020
My son asked me what procrastinate means.
I said: “I’ll tell you later.”
January 28, 2020
Wife: “I'm going to clone myself"
Me: “That would be just like you.”
January 28, 2020
Doctor: Your brain fell out after your accident, but we managed to put it back in.
Me: Thanks for reminding me.
January 28, 2020
Why did the 'A' go to the bathroom and come out an 'E'?
It had a vowel movement.
January 28, 2020
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It’s an extremely rare dish order.
January 28, 2020
What do you call a bee that never quite made it in the hive?
A wanna bee.
January 28, 2020
Manager: "Why would you make a good waiter at my restaurant?"
Me: “I bring a lot to the table.”
January 28, 2020
What was Icarus's favorite food?
Hot wings.
January 28, 2020
Q: How do you know a blonde is having a bad day?
A: Her tampon is behind her ear, and she can't find her pencil.
January 27, 2020
It’s really hard to say what my wife does for a living.
She sells sea shells on the sea shore.
January 26, 2020
Hi, I'm Buzz Aldrin. Second person to step on the moon.
Neil before me.
January 26, 2020
The internet connection at my farm was really poor, so I moved the modem to the barn.
Now I have a stable WiFi.
January 26, 2020
What's the difference between an actor and a burnt rodent?
One’s Chris Pratt, the other is a crisp rat.
January 26, 2020
My landlord says he needs to come talk to me about how high my heating bill is.
I told him: “My door is always open.”
January 25, 2020
What do you call a superhero with a bad sense of direction?
Wander woman.
January 25, 2020
I get nervous when I see others studying so much before the test.
January 25, 2020


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