The Best Funny Jokes

I can’t believe I got arrested for impersonating a politician.
I was just sitting around doing nothing.
June 19, 2019
Dear food,
Either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.
June 19, 2019
Dear radio stations,
You do realize there's more than just 10 songs in the world, right?
June 19, 2019
Be yourself!
Everyone else is already taken.
June 19, 2019
Siri kept calling me Shirley today. I was starting to get really angry and then I realised why...
I left my phone in Airplane mode.
June 18, 2019
I’ve dedicated my whole life to finding a cure for insomnia.
I won’t rest till I find it.
June 18, 2019
My girlfriend gave me a list of things she’d like to do for her 32nd birthday.
I told her “no way can we do all that in 30 seconds.”
June 18, 2019
Working out is like a drug to me.
I don’t do drugs.
June 18, 2019
I just got back from Dubai where I was offered 40 camels for my wife.
I usually only smoke Marlboro, but hey...a deal’s a deal.
June 18, 2019
Sometimes best friends have conversations that are hard to understand by other people.
June 18, 2019
What type of doctor works after hours?
An On-Call-ogist.
June 17, 2019
Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf.
I haven’t heard from him since.
June 17, 2019
I recently bought a new toilet brush.
Long story short; I’m going back to paper.
June 17, 2019
I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory.
All I did was take a day off.
June 16, 2019
+1
My girlfriend poked me in the eyes...
...so I stopped seeing her for a while.
June 16, 2019
Humans are born with four kidneys.
When they grow up two of them become adult knees.
June 16, 2019
My old dad really wanted to make paper planes with him.
Eventually I folded.
June 16, 2019
That awkward moment when you don't understand a joke but laugh anyway, and then someone asks you to explain the joke.
June 16, 2019
My boss told me to have a good day.
So I went home.
June 15, 2019
In laughter the L comes first.
The rest of the letters come aughter it.
June 15, 2019
My study breaks are longer than my actual study time.
June 15, 2019
[scientist] The average person spends 12 hours online per week.
[me] You mean per day, right?
June 15, 2019
When I found out my toaster wasn’t waterproof....
I was shocked.
June 13, 2019
I broke my finger today.
But on the other hand I’m fine.
June 13, 2019
Awkward moment when you say "I love you" and they say "OK".
June 13, 2019
I went to a psychic.
I knocked on her front door.
She yelled: “Who is it?”
So I left.
June 13, 2019
I just broke two of my dad’s old Queen Records.
Now I want to break three.
June 13, 2019
My wife is a body builder.
She’s pregnant.
June 13, 2019
I was kidnapped by a gang of mimes.
They threatened to do unspeakable things.
June 12, 2019
I bet no one will see this one coming.
1.
June 11, 2019


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