The Best Funny Jokes

That awkward moment when someone tries to correct you on something you clearly know more about.
April 19, 2019
+1
I just learned the medical name for Viagra.
Mycoxaflopin.
April 18, 2019
My wife complains I don’t buy her flowers.
To be honest, I didn’t know she sold flowers.
April 17, 2019
What do you call a dog that does magic?
A labracadabrador.
April 17, 2019
What has 4 letters, sometimes has 9 letters, but never has 5 letters.
That’s not a question...
April 17, 2019
We all have a family member who thinks they're a professional photographer.
April 16, 2019
+1
My wife keeps on having disturbed dreams, shouting things like “Hobbit!” “Mordor!” and “Gandalf!”
Always Tolkien in her sleep...
April 16, 2019
+1
I love the way the earth rotates.
It really makes my day.
April 15, 2019
+1
WHAT DO WE WANT!!??
RACING CAR NOISES!!!
WHEN DO WE WANT THEM!!??
Neeeeoooooooooowwwwww!!!!!!
April 15, 2019
My wife left me because of my obsession with walkie talkies, saying “It’s over.”
I replied: “It’s what? Over.
April 15, 2019
Why did the French football team keep scoring own goals?
Toulouse.
April 15, 2019
When I say "there is nothing to eat" I mean there is nothing I like.
April 15, 2019
A new mummy has just been discovered in Egypt! It was found covered in chocolate and nuts.
They believe he was called Pharaoh Rocher!
April 14, 2019
What do you call a man who pours a lot of drinks?
Phil.
April 14, 2019
I used to know a guy who did circumcisions.
The money wasn’t great, but he got to keep the tips.
April 14, 2019
I think I’ve eaten some bad seafood.
I’m feeling a little eel.
April 14, 2019
Teachers call it "the bathroom".
We call it "I’m bored, I’m leaving".
April 13, 2019
What do you call an elephant who doesn’t matter?
An irrelephant.
April 13, 2019
I’ve just written a book about falling down a staircase.
It’s a step by step guide.
April 13, 2019
I love telling dad jokes.
Sometimes he laughs!
April 13, 2019
How does Darth Vader like his toast?
On the dark side.
April 13, 2019
That feeling of sharing a fake smile with a fake friend.
April 12, 2019
Some people are just like trees.
They take forever to grow up.
April 12, 2019
A vegan said to me that people who sell meat are disgusting.
I said people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
April 12, 2019
What exactly is an acorn?
Well in a nutshell it’s an oak tree.
April 12, 2019
If I had a wooden eye..
I'd have a wooden eye, wouldn't I ?
April 12, 2019
I wish I could record my dreams, and watch them later.
April 12, 2019
Look at my cargo pants: baggies. You know why? You know why I'm wearing 'em? 'Cause I've been hangin' with the homies and smokin' the blunts! Either that, or I'm desperately trying to hold onto my youth by a hangnail.
April 12, 2019
The first picture of a black hole has been released.
It sucks.
April 11, 2019
My wife hated my impulse purchase of a new revolving chair. But then she sat in it.
Eventually she came around.
April 11, 2019


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