The Best Funny Jokes

How do you get the farmer’s daughter to fall in love with you?
A tractor.
January 24, 2020
The last thing my grandfather said before he died was “It’s worth it to spend money on good speakers.”
That was some sound advice.
January 24, 2020
You know what’s really odd?
Numbers not divisible by 2.
January 23, 2020
What do you call people who hate long sentences?
Criminals.
January 23, 2020
Just finished a book about the greatest basement to ever exist.
It was a best cellar.
January 23, 2020
Today is my 42nd birthday. I just announced to my kids that ... finally ...
I have fortitude.
January 23, 2020
If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat don't open it!
It’s spam.
January 23, 2020
Sorry sir, we don't serve time travelers here.
A time traveller walks into a bar.
January 23, 2020
I saw my first porn film last week.
I couldn’t believe how young I looked.
January 23, 2020
What do clouds wear under their shorts?
Thunderpants.
January 23, 2020
I just found out that my new electric toothbrush is not waterproof.
I was shocked.
January 23, 2020
That moment when you realize people are laughing at you, not with you.
January 23, 2020
I tried to stop the first day or two of our marriage, and I promise you, my nuts ballooned quicker than Oprah in a Krispy Kreme.
January 23, 2020
I went out with a one legged girl once who worked in a brewery.
She was in charge of the hops.
January 22, 2020
When dad died he left me his Subaru.
It was his final legacy.
January 22, 2020
If the Internet had a boat, where would they park it?
In Google Docs.
January 22, 2020
I’m organising a charity ball next week for people who struggle to reach orgasm
Just let me know if you can’t come.
January 22, 2020
I just won an award for most secretive person in the office.
I can’t tell you how much that means to me.
January 22, 2020
That one friend who can never keep a secret.
January 22, 2020
I was feeling lonely so I bought some shares.
It’s nice to have some company.
January 21, 2020
Student loans you got me through college.
I don’t think I can ever repay you.
January 21, 2020
What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?
Short.
January 21, 2020
Over the weekend I took my wife to the theatre to see a performance that was all about puns.
It was a play on words.
January 21, 2020
Who can carry petrol?
Jerry can.
January 21, 2020
Dear sleep, I'm sorry we broke up this morning. I want you back.
January 21, 2020
Watching a movie and wondering, how people in movies have enough time, to eat breakfast before school or work.
January 21, 2020
I once had a dream I was a muffler,
I woke up exhausted.
January 20, 2020
My friend is getting rich by taking pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.
It’s like shooting fish in apparel.
January 20, 2020
If you boil a funnybone...
You get a laughingstock.
January 20, 2020
Why couldn't Peter Pan ever be a comedian?
Because his jokes Neverland.
January 20, 2020


MORE