The Best Funny Jokes

What should a lawyer always wear to a court?
A good lawsuit!
April 20, 2019
What is a Jehovah’s Witness’ favourite band?
The Doors.
April 20, 2019
What do you call an ocean of orange soda?
A Fanta Sea.
April 20, 2019
I asked my wife how to turn Alexa off.
She said: “How about walking through the room naked?”
April 20, 2019
If you rearrange the letters of POSTMEN...
They become VERY ANGRY.
April 20, 2019
I’m reading a great book about Lubricants.
It’s non friction.
April 20, 2019
What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?
Philippe Flop.
April 20, 2019
If one teacher can't teach every subject, why do the students have to learn them all?
April 20, 2019
+1
My wife threatened to leave me because of my “filthy and disgusting habits.”
I was so shocked I nearly choked on my toenails.
April 19, 2019
What happened when 30 got hungry?
38.
April 19, 2019
That awkward moment when someone tries to correct you on something you clearly know more about.
April 19, 2019
+1
I just learned the medical name for Viagra.
Mycoxaflopin.
April 18, 2019
My wife complains I don’t buy her flowers.
To be honest, I didn’t know she sold flowers.
April 17, 2019
What do you call a dog that does magic?
A labracadabrador.
April 17, 2019
What has 4 letters, sometimes has 9 letters, but never has 5 letters.
That’s not a question...
April 17, 2019
We all have a family member who thinks they're a professional photographer.
April 16, 2019
+1
My wife keeps on having disturbed dreams, shouting things like “Hobbit!” “Mordor!” and “Gandalf!”
Always Tolkien in her sleep...
April 16, 2019
+1
I love the way the earth rotates.
It really makes my day.
April 15, 2019
+1
WHAT DO WE WANT!!??
RACING CAR NOISES!!!
WHEN DO WE WANT THEM!!??
Neeeeoooooooooowwwwww!!!!!!
April 15, 2019
My wife left me because of my obsession with walkie talkies, saying “It’s over.”
I replied: “It’s what? Over.
April 15, 2019
Why did the French football team keep scoring own goals?
Toulouse.
April 15, 2019
When I say "there is nothing to eat" I mean there is nothing I like.
April 15, 2019
A new mummy has just been discovered in Egypt! It was found covered in chocolate and nuts.
They believe he was called Pharaoh Rocher!
April 14, 2019
What do you call a man who pours a lot of drinks?
Phil.
April 14, 2019
I used to know a guy who did circumcisions.
The money wasn’t great, but he got to keep the tips.
April 14, 2019
I think I’ve eaten some bad seafood.
I’m feeling a little eel.
April 14, 2019
Teachers call it "the bathroom".
We call it "I’m bored, I’m leaving".
April 13, 2019
What do you call an elephant who doesn’t matter?
An irrelephant.
April 13, 2019
I’ve just written a book about falling down a staircase.
It’s a step by step guide.
April 13, 2019
I love telling dad jokes.
Sometimes he laughs!