The Best Funny Jokes

How does Darth Vader like his toast?
On the dark side.
April 13, 2019
That feeling of sharing a fake smile with a fake friend.
April 12, 2019
Some people are just like trees.
They take forever to grow up.
April 12, 2019
A vegan said to me that people who sell meat are disgusting.
I said people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
April 12, 2019
What exactly is an acorn?
Well in a nutshell it’s an oak tree.
April 12, 2019
If I had a wooden eye..
I'd have a wooden eye, wouldn't I ?
April 12, 2019
I wish I could record my dreams, and watch them later.
April 12, 2019
Look at my cargo pants: baggies. You know why? You know why I'm wearing 'em? 'Cause I've been hangin' with the homies and smokin' the blunts! Either that, or I'm desperately trying to hold onto my youth by a hangnail.
April 12, 2019
The first picture of a black hole has been released.
It sucks.
April 11, 2019
My wife hated my impulse purchase of a new revolving chair. But then she sat in it.
Eventually she came around.
April 11, 2019
I showed up at the weekly kleptomaniac anonymous meeting.
But all the seats were already taken.
April 11, 2019
How do you tell a blind man at a nudist beach?
It’s not hard...
April 11, 2019
What’s blue and smells like red paint?
Blue paint.
April 11, 2019
I went out with a girl who’s left breast was made of timber.
Just kidding. That would be ridiculous, wooden tit?
April 11, 2019
What do you call a guy with kids in Holland?
An Amsterdad.
April 11, 2019
That awkward moment when you get mad at someone, slam the door, then you realize you forgot something, so you have to go back.
April 11, 2019
I hate Russian dolls.
They’re just so full of themselves.
April 10, 2019
I killed a chicken last week.
Now I’m being haunted by a poultrygeist.
April 10, 2019
My friend recently quit his job to pursue a career in miming.
I haven’t heard from him since.
April 10, 2019
I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don’t know y.
April 10, 2019
I googled the phrase “missing medieval servant”.
It came back with “page not found.”
April 10, 2019
The shortest sentence is “I am.”
The longest sentence is “I do”.
April 10, 2019
Fake friends are like shadows. They're always near you at your brightest moments, but they're nowhere to be seen at your darkest hour.
April 10, 2019
Yawning is our body's way of saying 10% of battery remaining.
April 10, 2019
What do you call a polite man who builds bridges?
A civil engineer.
April 09, 2019
What did sushi A say to sushi B when they met.
Wasabi.
April 09, 2019
The skip intro button on Netflix is so cool.
I wish tinder had it as well.
April 09, 2019
“A cannibal once took my sister to see a Russell Crowe movie?”
“Gladiator?”
“No I really miss her.”
April 09, 2019
+1
How do you make a water bed more bouncy?
Add spring water.
April 08, 2019
I saw a woman with 12 breasts the other day.
Sounds weird, dozen tit?