The Best Funny Jokes

Most people are shocked when they find out...
...how incompetent I am as an electrician.
September 21, 2019
Why didn't you reply to my text? Dude! How am I supposed to reply to LOL?
September 21, 2019
I’m not a fan of big soda.
But I’m very fond of Minnesota.
September 21, 2019
Can a cat have pets?
September 21, 2019
For me, the urge to sing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is always just a whim away...
...a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.
September 21, 2019
What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing. They fast...
September 21, 2019
If anyone wants to come and talk about why my stuff keeps getting stolen...
..the door is always open.
September 21, 2019
Today I yelled into a colander.
I strained my voice.
September 21, 2019
You may not believe that blackface happened in Canadian Politics...
It’s Trudeau...
September 21, 2019
My son tried coffee for the first time today and said it tasted like dirt.
I told him: “It was just ground this morning.”
September 20, 2019
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate said: “Aye, it’s driving me nuts.”
September 20, 2019
Checking the time on your phone twice because you forgot it the first time.
September 19, 2019
Wardrobe full of clothes. Nothing to wear.
September 19, 2019
What kind of doctor fixes broken websites?
A URLogist.
September 18, 2019
Not to brag, but I have this weird talent in guessing what’s inside a wrapped present.
It’s a gift.
September 18, 2019
It's easy to deter ladies from eating tide pods.
It’s more difficult to deter gents.
September 18, 2019
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
September 18, 2019
I asked 100 women which shampoo they preferred.
All of them replied: “How the hell did you get in here?”
September 18, 2019
I took a pole today...
...and found out that 100% of people get upset when a tent falls on top of them.
September 18, 2019
Where do poor Italians live?
In the spa-ghetto.
September 18, 2019
Dear Math, I don't want to solve your problem, I have my own problems to solve. Sincerely, students.
September 18, 2019
1% battery left and you run like a ninja to get your charger.
September 18, 2019
Did you know that 97% of the world is stupid?
Luckily I’m in the other 5%.
September 18, 2019
Why are Irish bankers so successful?
Because their capital’s always Dublin.
September 18, 2019
I didn't fall. The floor just needed a hug.
September 17, 2019
That moment when the radio host talks over a good song.
September 17, 2019
What’s the difference between a tyre and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Goodyear, the other’s a great year.
September 16, 2019
My ex left me because, according to her, I’ll never amount to anything. 15 years later, I have one thing to say to her.
Lucky guess.
September 16, 2019
A man tried to sell me a coffin today...
I said: “That’s the last thing I need.”
September 16, 2019
If you sit on a toilet seat, you are connecting your butthole to a city network of buttholes.
And that’s a huge ass connection.
September 16, 2019


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