The Best Funny Jokes

My wife just tripped and fell while carrying a bunch of clothes she just ironed.
I watched it all unfold.
January 20, 2020
I asked a gardener which herbs were snitches...
He said only thyme would tell.
January 20, 2020
I got drunk and to impress a girl, I swallowed a bunch of scrabble tiles.
My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.
January 20, 2020
My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex...
But my wife insists it meant dyslexia.
January 20, 2020
According to ancient Japanese lore, the colour of a persons aura changes right before they die.
Cyan-aura.
January 20, 2020
Hardest thing to answer: Describe yourself.
January 20, 2020
Homework: If it goes too easy, you're doing it wrong.
January 20, 2020
Relationships are a lot like algebra.
Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
January 20, 2020
Harry has decided to go into acting with his wife, Meghan Markle.
He’ll be known as the Artist Formerly Known as Prince.
January 19, 2020
Pretending to care about a teacher's personal life, to waste time in class.
January 19, 2020
Why would a pig dressed in black never get bullied?
Because Batman has sworn to protect goth ham.
January 18, 2020
Keep the dream alive! Hit the snooze button!
January 18, 2020
I don’t have a dad body.
I have a father figure.
January 17, 2020
A century ago, two brothers claimed that it was possible to fly.
They were Wright.
January 17, 2020
What do you call a sword that doesn’t weigh much?
A light saber.
January 17, 2020
My wife accused me of trying to win every argument we had...
So I told her why that was wrong.
January 17, 2020
My first time using an elevator was an uplifting experience
The second time let me down.
January 17, 2020
A truck loaded with Vicks Vaporub overturned on the highway.
Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours.
January 17, 2020
My wife gave me an ultimatum. It was either her or my addiction to sweets.
The decision was as easy as pie.
January 17, 2020
I got bored watching the earth turn...
So after 24 hours I called it a day.
January 17, 2020
What did the hat say to the scarf?
“I’ll hang around here. You go on ahead.”
January 16, 2020
My friend says he’s a compulsive liar...
I don’t believe him.
January 15, 2020
My wife says I'm the cheapest man in the world.
I’m not buying it.
January 15, 2020
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a news anchor.
More on this after the break.
January 15, 2020
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes...
You need to let that mango!
January 15, 2020
[parents] Why are you awake so early?
[kid] Who said I went to sleep!?
January 15, 2020
To the person who stole my glasses.
I can still drink from the bottle.
January 14, 2020
Six topless women sounds nice.
Dozen tit.
January 14, 2020
I thought my dad spent all his savings on an expensive wig.
But one look and I realised it was a small price toupee.
January 14, 2020
What’s a group of chubby newborns called?
Heavy infantry.
January 14, 2020


MORE