The Best Funny Jokes

I misplaced Dwayne Johnson’s cutting tool for the origami workshop...
I can’t believe I lost the Rock’s Paper Scissors.
April 08, 2020
“Officer, are you crying while writing me a ticket?”
Policeman: “It’s a....moving violation.”
April 08, 2020
What’s heavier a gallon of water of a gallon of butane?
Water because butane is a lighter fuel.
April 08, 2020
My son just became a priest!
From now on he wants me to call him father.
April 08, 2020
Just seen a burglar kicking his own door in.
I asked: “What are you doing?”
He said: “Working from home.”
April 08, 2020
My doctor said that I might die because I accidentally consumed clay.
I’m shitting bricks to be honest.
April 08, 2020
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius...
...but his brother Frank was a monster.
April 08, 2020
I have a perfect memory.
I can’t remember a single time I’ve ever forgotten anything.
April 06, 2020
I recently switched all the labels on my wife's spice rack....
She hasn’t realised yet, but the thyme is cumin.
April 06, 2020
What do you call a helpful lemon?
Lemonaid.
April 06, 2020
People say I’m a plagiarist...
Their words, not mine.
April 06, 2020
Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar. Every time I have pessimistic thoughts, I put a penny in...
It’s currently half empty.
April 06, 2020
What do you call a bacterial disease caused by two grizzlies ?
Twobearculosis.
April 05, 2020
What tea do rich people buy?
Property.
April 05, 2020
What do you call a magician who has lost their magic?
Ian.
April 05, 2020
Did you hear about the guy who’s left side was cut off?
He’s all right now.
April 05, 2020
Did you hear the one about the giant throwing up?
It’s all over town.
April 05, 2020
What did the cannibal's wife say when he came home late for dinner?
I’m giving you the cold shoulder.
April 05, 2020
How do dancers ensure job continuity during the Covid crisis?
They twerk from home.
April 04, 2020
I bought a knife that can cut through four loaves of bread at once.
It’s a four loaf cleaver.
April 04, 2020
For the past few days, I wake up to see someone has dumped a bunch of LEGO blocks on my front porch.
I don’t know what to make of it.
April 04, 2020
People are so sad I’m not entering the bake off this year.
Even their cakes are in tiers.
April 04, 2020
Imagine you open the fridge and it's full of toilet paper rolls.
April 04, 2020
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put it in the oven till its Bill Withers.
A tribute to the great Bill Withers RIP.
April 03, 2020
My IT guy just asked, "How does a computer get drunk?"
It takes screen shots.
April 03, 2020
What is muffins spelled backwards?
Exactly what you do when you take them out the oven.
April 03, 2020
I don’t have a “dad bod”...
I have a father figure.
April 02, 2020
What do you call a belt made out of hundred dollar bills?
A waist of money.
April 01, 2020
Dad: "Would you like anything to eat for dinner?"
Son: "What are my choices?"
Dad: “Yes” or “no”.
April 01, 2020
I've spent the past week learning escapology...
I need to get out more...
April 01, 2020


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