The Best Funny Jokes

I've been blocked by Gary Barlow.
Whatever I said, whatever I did, I didn’t mean it...
April 01, 2020
What do you call a dinosaur that uses cheap toilet paper?
Megasoreass.
March 31, 2020
Can February March?
No, but April May.
March 31, 2020
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
10-tickles
March 30, 2020
All of my friends have such expansive bucket lists.
But mine is a little pail into comparison.
March 30, 2020
My son Luke loves that we named our children after Star Wars characters.
My daughter Chewbacca not so much.
March 30, 2020
3 biggest lies
1. I love you
2. I miss you
3. That was the last toilet paper roll
March 28, 2020
weekend: party time
few days later: quarantine
March 28, 2020
Don't fall in love. It's bad.
March 28, 2020
Did you hear about the Yacht builder that had to work from home?
His sails went through the roof.
March 28, 2020
Post Malone has canceled his tour.
Does this now make him postpone Malone?
March 28, 2020
How do you make a Swiss roll?
Just push them down the slope.
March 28, 2020
What's the difference between Wuhan and Las Vegas?
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
March 28, 2020
Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed?
Everybody.
March 28, 2020
Still home.
I'm thinking about a journey to the kitchen.
fridge tour
March 27, 2020
If a group of dolphins is called a pod and a group of crows is called a murder, what is a group of small children called?
Annoying.
March 27, 2020
+1
Did you know I like dad jokes about eyes?
The cornea the better.
March 27, 2020
Im so bored sitting at home that I decided to memorize six pages of the dictionary.
I learned next to nothing.
March 27, 2020
I said to my wife "When I die," I'd like to die having sex"
She replied: “At least it’ll be quick.”
March 27, 2020
My wife said to me: "If you won the lottery, would you still love me?"
I said: “Of course I would. I’d miss you, but I’d still love you.”
March 27, 2020
My wife blocked me on Facebook because I post too many bird puns.
Well, toucan play at that game.
March 26, 2020
What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast.
March 26, 2020
What do you call a dinosaur fart?
A blast from the past.
March 25, 2020
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire.
March 25, 2020
Got a new job at the guillotine factory.
I’ll beheading there shortly.
March 25, 2020
Why did the lion cross the road?
To stop the zebra crossing.
March 25, 2020
What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes...
March 25, 2020
99.9% of people are idiots.
Fortunately. I belong to the 1% of intelligent people.
March 25, 2020
Single man with toilet rolls would like to meet single women with hand sanitiser for good clean fun.
March 24, 2020
We need to uninstall 2020 and then try reinstalling it.
The current version has a nasty virus.
March 23, 2020


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