The Best Funny Jokes

If you boil a funny bone.
It becomes a laughing stock.
July 05, 2019
When I was in college, my roommate used to clean my room, and I used to clean his.
We were maid for each other.
July 05, 2019
I kept having nightmares about Snow White and Peter Pan.
The doctor said I was just having Disney spells.
July 05, 2019
+1
I just had my photo taken with REM.
That's me in the corner.
July 05, 2019
Why do 9 ants get to live in an apartment for free?
Because they’re not tenants.
July 05, 2019
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
July 05, 2019
They really should stock ATM’s better.
I went to 5 different ones today and they all said insufficient funds.
July 03, 2019
Of all my body parts, my fingers are the most reliable.
I can always count on them.
July 02, 2019
In college, I double-majored in accounting and dentistry...
Now I can crunch numbers AND numb crunchers.
July 02, 2019
There are two fish in a tank.
One turns to the other and says, “You man the guns, I’ll drive”.
July 02, 2019
I made a graph of all my past relationships.
It has an ex axis and a why axis.
July 02, 2019
I’ve done some terrible things for money.
Like getting up early to go to work.
July 02, 2019
I sleep less, I'm tired.
I sleep more, I'm tired.
July 02, 2019
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth.
Then it’s a soap opera.
July 01, 2019
I bought my wife a Pug as a present.
Despite the squashed nose, bulging eyes and rolls of fat, the dog seems to like her.
July 01, 2019
Why did Star Wars 4, 5, and 6 come before 1, 2 and 3?
Because in charge of the schedule Yoda was.
July 01, 2019
+1
What happened when gravity was first turned on?
Shit went down.
July 01, 2019
My pony caught a cold.
He’s a little hoarse.
July 01, 2019
English memes are dank, but German memes are danke.
July 01, 2019
Why did the astronaut refuse to fly home to visit his girlfriend?
He needed more space.
July 01, 2019
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive.
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder.
July 01, 2019
Teens are always full of energy until someone says "clean up".
July 01, 2019
I asked my wife suggestions for an exercise routine. She said, “Why don’t you try lunges?”
I said: “That’s a...big step.”
July 01, 2019
I went to a haunted bed and breakfast in France. I left.
The place was giving me the crepes.
June 30, 2019
Why was 79 sad?
Because 81.
June 30, 2019
+1
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer...
...than the men who mention it.
June 30, 2019
What is the most ironic name for a vegan?
Hunter.
June 29, 2019
Sadly, I've lost 20% of my sight.
Sigh....
June 29, 2019
It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs.
They always take things literally.
June 29, 2019
My girlfriend gets mad whenever I mess with her red wine.
So I added fruit and lemonade to it and now she’s sangria then ever.