The Best Funny Jokes

Dear radio stations. You do realize there is more than just 10 songs in the world, right?
November 30, 2019
What do you call an explosive monkey?
A baboom.
November 30, 2019
My wife told me, “It’s over,” and started to walk out on me. I just sat there.
I love watching the end credits.
November 30, 2019
To ride a horse or not to ride a horse.
That is equestrian.
November 30, 2019
My son wants a porcupine without quills as a house pet.
I said: “That’s completely pointless.”
November 30, 2019
The recipe said, “Set the oven to 180 degrees.”
Now I can’t open the oven as the door faces the wall.
November 30, 2019
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
Now I have Heinzsight.
November 30, 2019
For Christmas, I’m getting my kids an alarm clock that swears at them instead of ringing.
They’re in for a rude awakening.
November 30, 2019
My boss is threatening to fire the employee who has the worst posture.
I have a hunch it might be me.
November 29, 2019
What’s the difference between ignorance and indifference?
I don’t know and I don’t care.
November 28, 2019
Her: Why are the potatoes burnt?
Me: That’s for tomorrow.
Her: Huh?
Me: Tomorrow is Black Fry Day.
November 28, 2019
I’m addicted to ordering hatchets from other countries because of the smell.
I love foreign axe scents.
November 28, 2019
Be yourself! Everyone else is already taken.
November 28, 2019
I always knock on the fridge before I open it.
Just in case there’s a salad dressing.
November 28, 2019
Unfortunately, Superman won’t be able to fight Dracula this evening...
He won’t go near the crypt tonight.
November 28, 2019
Which weighs less; butane, gasoline or water?
Butane because it’s lighter fluid.
November 27, 2019
What sounds like a sneeze and is made of leather?
A shoe.
November 27, 2019
Where do naughty rainbows go?
Prism.
November 27, 2019
6:30 is the best time on a clock.
Hands down.
November 27, 2019
Elon Musk and Bill Gates should team up to invent a cure for erectile dysfunction.
And call it ElonGates.
November 27, 2019
I'm trying to become environmentally correct. I got an electric car... They're so cool, it's great. It's in the shop now. We're having a gas engine put in it.
November 26, 2019
Two meth heads start a relationship, is that considered speed dating...
Or just mething around?
November 26, 2019
What do you call a fear of giants?
Fee-Fi-Phobia.
November 26, 2019
What do you call a musician with no girlfriend?
Homeless.
November 26, 2019
Three conspiracy theorists walk in to a bar...
You can’t tell me that’s just a coincidence.
November 26, 2019
I want to tell you about a girl who only eats plants.
You’ve probably never heard of herbivore.
November 26, 2019
Me: I think I have a crush on Beyoncé.
Her: Whatever floats your boat.
Me: No, that’s buoyancy.
November 24, 2019
I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.
I was like 0mg.
November 24, 2019
My brother has two daughters -- disappointed he doesn't have a son to carry on his name. I said, 'Jerry, our name is Smith. Wake the hell up -- our name's being carried on in hotel rooms all over the country.'
November 24, 2019
I boiled a funny bone once.
It turned into a laughing stock.
November 24, 2019


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