The Best Funny Jokes

They said gloves and a mask would be enough to go to the supermarket..
They lied, everyone else had their clothes on.
March 23, 2020
Self isolation is getting so bad I’m starting to crush on my roommate.
And we’ve been married for more than 20 years.
March 23, 2020
I bought a second hand time machine next Sunday.
They don’t make them like they’re going to anymore.
March 23, 2020
So I said to Arnie, "Where did you get those toilet rolls?"
He said, "Aisle B, back."
March 23, 2020
Son: Why is my sister’s name Paris?
Dad: Because we conceived her in Paris.
Son: Thanks dad.
Dad: No problem Quarantine.
March 23, 2020
[friend] Can I ask you something?
[me] You're already asking.
March 22, 2020
My wife told me that she hates revolving doors and is afraid that she’ll get stuck in them.
I said, “You’ll come round eventually.”
March 22, 2020
The amount of bad coronavirus jokes is starting to reach worrying numbers.
Some scientists claim it might be a pundemic.
March 22, 2020
+1
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him.
Guess that’s what I get for a pure bread dog.
March 22, 2020
year 2012: I am the worst year.
year 2020: Am I a joke to you?
March 21, 2020
One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the White House from acrossPennsylvania Avenue, where he''''d been sitting on a park bench.










March 20, 2020
A guy named Bart walks into a bar, he immediately gets shot and dies. Who killed him?
The Bartender.
March 20, 2020
Today I was invited by a female janitor to smoke some weed at her apartment, but I declined.
I can’t deal with high maintenance women.
March 20, 2020
Finland has just closed their borders.
No one will be crossing the finish line.
March 20, 2020
I ran out of toilet paper, so have begun using old newspapers...
The Times are rough.
March 20, 2020
Due to the quarantine...
I’ll only be telling inside jokes.
March 19, 2020
For as much as I know about being a guy, I ought to go to a hardware store wearing a tiara. 'Hi, do you have a bang-bang-bang to put the pointy thing in? I need a grab-hold and twisty because I'm putting up some -- help! -- curtains.'
March 19, 2020
What do you call a Spanish man who ran out Toilet Paper during Lockdown?
His panic.
March 19, 2020
If I had a penny for everyone who asked me to look after their dogs,
I’d have a pound.
March 18, 2020
The collective noun for kangaroos is a "troop". What is the collective noun for cars?
A lot.
March 18, 2020
A bloke on a tractor has just driven past me yelling “the end of the world is nigh!”
I think it was Farmer Geddon.
March 18, 2020
I don't trust nobody who wear all white neither. You ever see these people? They come out the house: all white jacket, all white shirt, all white belt, pants, shoes, socks. Who do you think you are that you not going to get dirty today? You that responsible today that you ain't going to lean on nothing and get dirty? I ought to kick you in your back and send you home.
March 18, 2020
Since everyone started washing their hands...
The peanuts in the pub have lost their flavour.
March 18, 2020
What do pigs and ink have in common?
They both belong in a pen.
March 18, 2020
What language do oranges speak?
Mandarin.
March 18, 2020
What do you call a pile of kittens?
A meowntain.
March 18, 2020
What's funnier than the plague?
This week?
Just about anything.
March 18, 2020
My wife claims that a man in camouflage is really sexy.
I just don’t see it.
March 17, 2020
I tried to make a coronavirus joke a while back.
Nobody laughed at the time, but eventually everyone got it.
March 17, 2020
I have a pure bread dog.
His name is fidough.